Veterans Day – and how mountain biking saved me.

Call me crazy – but Happy Veterans Day just doesn’t do it – there is nothing happy about this day for me – other than the personal thanks I give for still being around to celebrate it.

Remembering the fallen.

Too many friends are gone. Too many memories. Everyday is filled with memories – some good, some bad – triggered by my son running down the hall chasing his sister wearing an old patrol cap of mine, or simply seeing a beautiful US Flag waving in the wind as I ride by on my mountain bike.

Today my mind is filled with friends like Rich Doria, a firecracker Filipino that in addition to being one of the best M249 (SAW) gunners I ever saw, was a wonderful person. He was killed in Iraq during a small arms exchange with local insurgents.

I remember playing catch with Jacob Dones as we were preparing to come home from Iraq. Jacob went back to Iraq a few months later and was killed when his Forward Operating Base was attacked by mortar and rocket fire. He was 21 years old.

Not all of my friends were casualties of enemy fire – some made it back safely, only to succumb to other enemies: depression, alcoholism, a failed marriage. Happy Veterans Day just doesn’t do it.

Walter Padilla was one of those friends. A fierce warrior, he wasn’t able to win all his internal battles. In light of the recent events at Fort Hood I urge you to click through to the article written about Padilla’s struggles – it reveals the harsh reality of soldiers dealing with post war demons.

How Mountain Biking Saved me.

I feel so blessed and lucky to have such a wonderful wife that stuck by me and was there for me when I needed her. I was also glad my circumstances, in retrospect, kept me away from my family until I fully worked out all my feelings and issues. After returning home from Iraq I spent almost 3 months alone in Colorado before returning home to Utah. I spent those days working and riding my mountain bike all over Colorado Springs and the surrounding mountains. A lot can go through your mind when you are spinning in your granny gear up the side of Pikes Peak, or churning out the miles on the Continental Divide Trail.

It is amazing to think that something so simple as putting $1000 down on a Specialized StumpJumper from Criterium in Colorado Springs literally saved my life. I have since upgraded to new Stumpy’s – but I will never get rid of that wonderful hardtail.

huffy still

I was lucky to get a job at the local Home Depot, where I had the privilege to work for a guy named Jerry Wolf – a great man who shared my addiction to knobby tires and making fun of “roadies in spandex”. Jerry left The Home Depot and relocated to Fruita, CO – and managed the wonderful bike shop Over The Edge there until a few years ago. Jerry was a constant riding companion – always pushing – always supporting. Little did he know, he was taking the place of an Army psychiatrist that saw me as little more than a number – a sick call ranger that was just trying to get out of duty.

Life goes on.

I consider myself well adjusted. I consider myself successful – not necessarily in financial matters, but where I believe it matters most; In my personal relationships with other people – with my wife and my children.

There isn’t a day that goes by though that I don’t recall a fellow soldier, wonder how he or she is doing. Hoping they are safe, hoping they are focused. Praying they will make it through. Praying they will find someway to fight the demons and make it through.

Praying they will find a StumpJumper and a friend.

Happy Veterans Day to those who have and continue to serve.

The Troops

And so it goes…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 at 8:44 am. It is filed under blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

11 Responses to “Veterans Day – and how mountain biking saved me.”

  1. Lindsay says:
    November 11, 2009 at 9:27 am

    Wow…I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through. I just know that we are lucky to have people like you, who are willing to serve their country.

    We are all thankful for that bike!

  2. Kellen Holgate says:
    November 11, 2009 at 9:39 am

    great post. thanks for your service.

    K

  3. Elle says:
    November 11, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    Jeremy, I haven’t been keeping up with your blog as often as I’d like to, but saw your post on facebook and wanted to know what the bike part of the story was. It was a lovely story to read today, as I was feeling sort of low about goodwill in the world lately – it turned me around…. thank you!

  4. JR says:
    November 11, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Thanks for your comments and for coming by. I truly loved my time in the Army – it was a wonderful experience – even if not all my memories could be considered “fond”.

    You know what they say – if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger… ;-)

  5. Summer says:
    November 11, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing, this and for what it’s worth, thank you for serving our country.

  6. Wenderina says:
    November 11, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    Jeremy – thanks for your service and for this post. I’m having an outsider’s struggle with PTSD. I’m a boss who tried to be supportive of a returning vet but after 18 months, I had to let him go. Every hour of every day I feel guilt and I wonder how he is coping. I struggle to understand my role in his recovery or in his trauma. What is my human responsibility here? What are the boundaries I cannot cross? What is the collateral damage effect – his trauma from Afghanistan – my team’s trauma in dealing with his behavior and performance at work – my (so little my comparison) trauma in this guilt. Posts like yours where you worked your way through it are a beacon of hope.

  7. Kate says:
    November 11, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    Love you JR! Great blog! Thanks for serving and I’m so glad you came home and made it back to your family. I walked this past weekend in honor of the Vietnam vets (my generation’s ugly war). Every war it gets more difficult to support our participation. There are so many other options to deal with conflict. We just respect and honor those serve/served for all of us.

  8. JR says:
    November 12, 2009 at 6:32 am

    Wenderina,
    Please do not feel guilty. Everyone copes with the tragedies of war in their own way. You were more than generous with 18 months of cooperation and struggle, especially with below average performance and a disruptive influence at work. There is only so much support you can give to try and aid in recovery etc – and if he isn’t seeking help elsewhere – or showing signs of improvement at work, 18 months is more than enough.

    There are organizations that exist to help Vets who are struggling, and the decision whether or not to take advantage of those support systems lies with each vet individually. I took a different path (partly because I am a stubborn SOB) but the end result was still the same. If you have time, browse around the national PTSD website: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/where-to-get-help.asp

    If you see him again or have his contact info – it wouldn’t hurt to let him know you are still concerned and give him the information.

    Thank you for taking care of one of my brothers for as long as you did, and please – don’t feel guilty anymore. Give my regards to your staff as well.

  9. Andie says:
    November 12, 2009 at 10:32 am

    You are such an amazing person. I am so proud to call you my brother. Love you!